HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT…?

03/01/25

The 10th Commandment

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

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10/30/24

A Sheepish Recovery

A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walks up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the sheep. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

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09/23/24

A Joke About Creation

An atheist scientist came to God and said, “We’ve figured out how to make a man without you.” God said, “OK, let me see you do it.” So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, “Oh, no you don’t. Get your own dirt!”

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03/07/24

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, “Stop – Acts 2:38!” The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar, “She said she had an AXE and two 38’s!”

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02/05/24

God Is Watching

A church had a picnic and invited the entire community to come. The Pastor placed a basket full of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, “Take only one apple please – Remember that God is watching.”

On the other end of the table was a plate of cookies where one of the children had placed a sign saying, “Take all the cookies you want — God is watching the apples.”

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03/01/23

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10/18/22

The Bridge

A man was walking along a California beach deep in prayer, when he decided to ask the Lord for a wish. “Lord,” he said. “Can you build me a bridge from here to Hawaii, so I can drive there anytime I want?”

Because he was such a faithful and devoted servant, the Lord was willing to grant him this request, however, he thought that it was a little materialistic. “I can grant you this wish,” he said. “But think about the logistics involved. The supports that would be necessary to reach the bottom of the ocean, the tons of concrete and steel it would take. Maybe you should take a little more time and make a wish that would bring me glory.”

The man thought about this for a while and finally said, “Okay Lord, I’ve always wanted to understand women. How they feel, what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, what they mean when they say “It’s nothing.” Tell me Lord, how can I make a woman truly happy?”

The Lord thought about this for a few minutes then said. “Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?”

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03/25/22

Where Is God?

Two little boys had become quite the pranksters in their small town, and even though their mother tried everything she could to get them to stop, their antics continued. Finally she decided to get the Reverend to have a talk with them, and sent the first little boy on down to the church.

On entering the office, the Reverend put the boy to sit down, and asked. “Son, where is God?”

Fidgeting, the boy looked around the room not quite knowing what to say. The Reverend asked the question again, sterner this time. “Son, I asked you a question, where is God?”

The little boy had no idea what he was supposed to say and remained silent. Finally the Reverend bellowed. “Young man, answer me right now, where is God?” The boy got up and fled, running all the way home, up the stairs and into his closet slamming the door.

Startled, his brother cracked the door open after a while and asked. ” What happened?”

“We are in so much trouble this time,” he said, his eyes huge.

“What? How come?” his little brother asked confused.

“God’s missing and they think we had something to do with it.”

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02/18/22

Not Budging

A man and his wife had an argument one day. They were both determined not to speak to the other first, and carried on with their daily tasks in silence all day. Finally it was time for bed, and the husband suddenly remembered that he had an 8 o’clock flight early in the morning and his wife was the one who usually woke him up on these occasions. Deciding to use his wits, he scribbled some words on a sticky note saying, please wake me up at 7, and left it on her bedside table. He woke up the next morning at 8:15 am and frantically shook his wife awake. “I told you to wake me at 7,” he cried, “Why didn’t you?” Wordlessly she pointed behind him and, sure enough, there on his bedside table was a sticky note saying. “Wake up, It’s 7 o’clock.”